didn't want to face the truth. But, I think, we just held on too long."
"I know," I answer faintly, making my way shakily to the bed to sit.
"John says I shouldn't see you until after all the paperwork is done, but, after, can we have dinner, or something?" Still reeling a bit from the unexpectedly candid conversation I nod jerkily. "Alexandra, if you nodded or shook your head, I didn't hear it." The longstanding joke finally pulls me from my stunned state, and I laugh shakily.
"Sorry. Yes, I'd like that, and so would Lainy. She doesn't understand, Joe," I manage to keep my voice gentle, but he still grunts as if I punched him in the gut.
"I know...I'll...I'll figure out how to explain, and make it up to her. I'd still like to be a part of her life." I squeeze my eyes shut as tears threaten, and I find myself nodding again.
"Okay," I finally answer. Silence returns, not quite so heavily though, and I glance at the clock, wincing at the hour.
"I'll let you go...I just...needed to talk to you." My lips twist in a wry smile, and I sigh softly.
"Yeah. Thank you, Joe."
"G'night, Alex."
"Night."
I sit on the edge of the bed for a long while, staring at the phone as if it'll give me answers to the questions the conversation left me with. Finally, I shove my thoughts aside, leave the phone on the bedspread and make my way down the hall to peer in Alaina's bedroom door. A gentle smile curves my lips as I take in my daughter's soundly sleeping form, the lamp on her nightstand casting her in a warm glow, and I make my way to the side of her bed and carefully tug her blanket up and over her shoulder. She shifts slightly in her slumber but sleeps on, and I lean down to press a kiss against her forehead before turning the lamp out and retreating, pulling her door most of the way shut behind me.
The house is still and quiet, and the emptiness of it weighs on me as I pad back down the hall to my bedroom. After spending five days immersed in the casual chaos of Katherine's household, it feel strange to be alone, and a melancholy mood settles over me as I slip beneath the blankets. I set my alarm for the following morning and rest the phone on the bed beside me, willing it to ring as the tenor of my mood deepens.
It isn't until the phone rings that I realize I had drifted off, and I fumble with the handset in sleepy disorientation. "Hello," I rasp out finally, blinking in the dim light cast by my bedside lamp.
"Hey...did I wake you?" I focus blearily on my alarm clock, and jolt into wakefulness as the green blur slowly resolves into numbers hours past when I had expected to hear from her.
"Yeh, it's okay though...is everything alright?" She sighs heavily, and I hear the distinct rustle of her comforter as she moves, groaning slightly.
"Fiona calved tonight...I went back down to the barn after getting the kids tucked in to do a last check on her, cause she seemed kinda off when I did chores, and she was struggling. Ended up on the phone with the vet, getting talked through a process I will be happy to never have to repeat. But, we're okay now, calf's born, though I was too tired to even see if it was a heifer or a bull." She's weary, exhaustion heavy in her voice, and I yearn to curl her up in my arms and ease her to sleep.
"Oh honey, I'm so sorry I wasn't there to help," I answer quietly. "Why don't you get some sl-." She cuts me off.
"No...not yet. I want...I need you." The rest of my words fade from my lips, and I sink into the pillows with a soft sigh.
"I need you, too, Kitten," I murmur. The line is quiet, and I shift onto my side, my imagination filling the space made by the curve of my body with her form. I hear a rustle then a soft sigh, and I smile slightly. "Feel me," I ask huskily.
"Yes," she murmurs sleepily.
"Good. I'm always there, Kat, at least in spirit." I whisper the promise, and hear a hitch in her breathing.
"I know...you always have been." I smile and chuckle softly.
"Poor Amy...what a crowded bed." She laughs softly and hums in agreement, and I swear I can feel her wiggle into a more comfortable spot against me, accompanied by the rustle of her comforter.
"Yeah...poor Joe too...bet he didn't realize his wife was sleeping somewhere else."
"Wellll," I start, and her laughter dies a little, "actually, he knows." She gasps softly.
"You told him," she asks incredulously.
"No...he asked how you were, and I told him Amy left," I explain gently. "I didn't think - he knows me well enough to put everything together. He told me I'd be better for you than Amy ever was." She lets her breath out in a long, slow exhale.
"Wow."
"Yeah...I think...somehow, he's at peace with what happened." she hums thoughtfully. I wait, patiently, letting my eyes drift shut.
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