I laid back on my bed and thought long and hard about particularly nothing. What was the reason to fight, if presented with the choice that Ross sat in my lap I would make the same decision over and over again without fail. So once my mind stopped spinning and my heart stopped pounding from the anger that scorched my blood I took a deep breath and looked over at my night stand. Abby’s letter, left laying for me to open but I couldn’t. The notebook paper was now slightly yellow due to age and the places it might have been kept. I just couldn’t read it, not now. Not ever. Maybe. I fell asleep pondering at what words may have left on that page.

--

Marla had been crying for days, balled up into a tight ball and crying. She had called the police, posted flyers, called other states in hopes that something would surface but it only came back with an empty hook. Corrine was gone, her daughter was gone. She didn’t pay attention to her like should have, didn’t care for her like she should have and certainly didn’t love her like she should have. Regret chocked the sobbing, grieving mother for what seemed like eternity. She thought she was doing right thing, slightly ignoring Corrine to keep Ross happy and Mike happy and some how Corrine would understand the dilemma in time. Her choice had probably cost her daughter’s life. She chose her family, she thought she chose her family but still came up short.

The knock on the door seemed to come when she was at her worst. Marla turned her head away and tried to ignore the outside world like had been doing but the knock was too impatient and needy. She thought for a second and in hopes of a mother heart that it would be Corrine coming back home. Marla rushed to the door.

“Corrine?’ A smile crossing her face to only disappear when she saw Abby.

“I was hoping for her too” Abby said through tears that fell down her face. The bruise was still on her forehead but she wore it like it was deserved it as she looked at Corrine’s mother and at those blue eyes like hers. She wanted so much to find comfort in those eyes once again.  “She’s gone isn’t she?” Abby finally mustered the breath and the words. Marla closed her eyes, tears still falling.

“Yea honey, she’s gone.”

“If you ever hear from her, tell her I’m so sorry. Tell her that I love her and I want and need her in my life. Tell her without her I’m lost.” Abby’s quivering lips came to a stop. She couldn’t go on any further. Marla understood.

“If I hear from her I will tell her to call you” Marla said sadly. Abby handed her a letter that was folded neatly.

“If you see her or know where she is. Please see that she gets it.” Marla took the letter. “I’ll wait for her if I know she is coming back” Abby turned and ran off the porch. Tears streaming down her beautiful face.

--

When I woke up, I felt better. Beside me was Abby’s letter, slightly yellow with age and still folded by her delicate fingers. I could tell that it had been opened and read but the creases were still showing permently. I sat up pulling myself against the head board taking the letting in my own hands. It felt forbidden to be tempted to open it. I felt like I didn’t have a right to read it now, Corrine over 2 years ago had the right but not me. It felt like I was about to infringe on that privacy but my hands moved on it’s on as I opened it slowly my eyes scanning over the black ink that had been placed on it.

Dear Corrine, my best friend, my lover, the only person that has the rights to me and my life.

                I have made many mistakes when it came to ‘us’, I don’t know if it stemmed from fear of loving someone more than myself or if I wasn’t ready. I think with age I would have handled you and me better but yet here I am, young, the mysteries of the world still being a barricade in front of me. I love you, always have. I loved you the moment we met and the night we shared that love equally was enough to end me and rebuild me in a moment. Where are you? I hope with everything inside me that this letter finds you and replaces me firmly back in your heart. I miss you so much baby, three days ago in that cafeteria all I wanted to do was hold you and let everything be okay but I couldn’t bring myself to do it and I pray that this action means what I think it will, the end. I know what happened to you in that camp was horrific and left you broken in us you will be whole, I saw the world move back into your eyes the day we came together on that hill. Without you I feel empty, a mess, and an incomplete individual ready to search the world to find that part that makes me breathe again. Until I see you again, I won’t breathe, until we kiss, I won’t attempt to suck in the air and think I’m living. You are my life, my air, my oxygen, with you I breathe its how I will survive. Please Corrine, come back and revive me.

Abby.

I could feel tears moving down my cheeks as I read and re read those words. Fuck, what had I’ve been doing to survive without her these years. Her feelings had described my own and felt suffocated. I stood, ran to my desk grasping for air or anything that served as an imitation. A knock on the door caused me to straighten up and take a deep breath of whatever that kept my heart ticking and nostrils flaring. I turned to see the door knob turn and the door open. It was Abby.

“Corrine?” She stepped inside; she looked so beautiful standing there in a tight white t-shirt and blue jeans that had rips at the knees. “Corrine what’s wrong?” she closed the door and walked over to me. I couldn’t breathe again as I stared into those deep brown eyes. She looked down at the at the paper that I was clutching between my fingers. “Oh god” she gasped in a whisper.

“Its okay” I said silently. Abby looked back up at me, tears filling her eyes. She reached for the paper but I invaded it from her grasp. I took a step forward moving my free hand around her waist and pulling her closer to me.

“Corrine?” Abby shook her head causing her long hair to move about her shoulders. “That letter, it was…” she couldn’t speak and neither could I. The pain we felt had found us again and was engulfing us both.

“It’s okay” I said again. “I couldn’t breathe either.” Abby looked deeper into my eyes and opened her mouth to say something but I moved in and captured her lips with mine. The softness of her mouth on my mine was something that words haven’t yet been invented to describe. Abby moved her hands around my neck and into my hair as I massaged my lips to hers. She opened her mouth further and welcomed the tongue I slipped in. She moaned as I let the paper fall from my hands and move it to her side to join my other hand. Our kiss began to get hungry and exasperated. I move my hands down to her ass and further to the back of her legs were I grabbed and picked her up. She wrapped her legs around tightly as our tongues moved around furiously.